fireheadxoem

fireheadxoem @ 2007-07-26T17:17:00

2007-07-26T21:25:06Z

Since my last post was 58 weeks ago, I decided to update this thing. Plus Ashley reminded me.
So a lot has changed in 58 weeks. A lot meaning, I'm really diffrent. I dunno. I like where I'm at a guess.

So I am currently attending Bayshire Beauty Acadamy and I like the class. You might even say I love the class.
But I hate the dumb crazy phsyco druggie bitches. Seriously. All they ever do is talk about everyone in the class
If were going to be living together for the next year, why would you cause all the drama. I cant stand it at all.

and well i guess I'll finnish this later...

summer

2006-06-09T21:36:39Z

I havent updated this in forever. Well It's summer now I stll stand by my previous post prior to the last. Steven and Vanessa are still together and just as irritating. She comes over and screams her little lungs out and uggh. It's not normal to wake up to her screaming for a pop. Get your own, you ass. I guess they lightened up a bit and I'm not as miserable anymore, so thats good I guess. I still fall apart when Im alone, and I dont know why. theres really no reason to. I mean, I have it made right now. I can drive, my parents are away 2 weeks of every month, and I have the best boyfriend in the world. I guess I just miss the idea of home. Home for me now is an empty house, with sometimes 2 annoying people that i dont talk to. It was never supposed to be that way. The sad thing is that I wished for all this a loooong time ago.

Today is our 2 month but it really doesnt seem like it. Maybe because I'm alone right now. He's gonna be here in a few minutes, but Im not very happy at all. I just dont understand whats wrong with me. I've been emotionally unstable for the longest time and I dont know how to be happy anymore unless I'm around someone else. I cant handle this anymore and I dont know whats going to happen if I cant shake this depressed state that I'm always in.

I cant believe how little I've have changed in 6 months. My outlook on life is the same, my emotions are the same, the same emptiness remains inside and I dont know how to fill it. It almost feels like part of my heart broke away, ever since those stupid dreams started. When they did I always thought he'd be here eventually, as if he had it and he was there for a second. Literally. then I let it go and never had a dream again. I never got my heart back either.Then I met Jon and now all I dream of is him and how perfect we are for eachother. I dont know why that doesnt make everything better, but it doesnt. I feel so bad and I hate myself for all of this because I love him so much, but I just dont know how to handle this. I dont feel like a guy like that deserves a girl like me. I thought I'd be through this by now. I mean it was all a silly fantasy that seemed so real right? So why is it affecting me this way? I cant stand this anymore and I just want things to back to the way they were 3 years ago.

guess what

2005-12-23T01:50:46Z

MELISSA'S OVER!!!

Christmas was awesome as usual and now were making fudge and then watching garden state. heck yes!

I wanna move far away where nothing bad could happen there

2005-11-27T22:54:09Z

So Steven wakes me up this morning to ask if I'm going to Vanessa's. I was confused for the longest time. He said they were having dinner. Knowing Steve, I knew he'd be over there all day, so I said I cant be there too long and asked what time. He said arourd 4:30 and I said, then why are you leaving at 1? No way! Its sunday and Im not even half done with these frikken decorations yet. So he said that he would go there then come back and pick me up then drop me off whenever so I said fine.

It's about 4:00 and Steve calls and asks if i want him to pick me up. I said, and a quote, "If you want me to go". 4:45 Steve's not here. Mom calls and says, "I thought you were going to Vanessa's..?" "Yeah, me too. He said he was on his way." "Well I just talked to him and he said he was getting ready to eat. Call him and ask him whats going on." "Noooooo. He doesnt want me to." so I was upset about that for a while.

5:00 Steve calls again. "Do you want me to pick you up?" "For whaaaaat?!?! your an hour late and theres no point, so you kow what? No."

I'm so sick of being this age. I was sitting there thinking how dumb steve is when I relized, this age really sucks. The inbetween age sucks. I'm sick of where I am. I wanna moooove, but not yet. I want to be like 20 so I can just go away from everything and be alone where I dont have to dred steven and vanessa. They are soooo annoying togeather. I dont want to be disurbed by them anymore. I absolutly hate them togeather. They turned my into this cold, uptight all the time girl and I hate that more than anything. Linda think I need a boyfriend, and I said, "Theres no point. During the week theres school and homework, during the weekends nobodys home and I cant drive. Im gonna have some guy say, 'My mom and I will pick you up at ...' Thats so dumb. But maybe she has a point. Maybe I do need the thought of someone to make me smile for no reason. Maybe I do need someone to run to. But I dont want to worry about another blowout. I didnt like the first guy i went out with. That wasnt what I wanted at all. If anything he brought my mood down more than anything. The last thing I need is someone older telling me how immature I am right now. Of course Im immature. Im inbetween finding myself and my little girl fantasys. I'm not really sure what I want.

I'm pouring my little heart out here, but I'm sure no one will read this at all. I dont know if thats good or bad at this point. I dont really know what to say around people I dont know anymore. when you think about it, when you meet someone new, you wanna make a good impression, right? Well, I guess Im a bit diffrent. When I meet someone new I see the futre and were friends, so I come off as a friend and I dont know. I guess they dont warm up to people easilly. Or maybe I'm just crazy.

Right now Im nastalgic for the eigth grade. I miss it so much. It the the highlight of my life. I had my little ring of friends. That was before I couldnt trust a friend, and before I could hang out with my brother. I want steve and vanessa to stop "going out". It would make everything so much simpiler. When they're here., I hold everything and the second they leave, I fall apart compleatly because I knew that at one time things were normal. Imagine this: Your best friend comes over almost everyday and you have a lot of fun. You tell her things that you wouldnt tell just anyone. Then one day she decides to come over just for your brother. when you do hang out with her, Your stupid brother is there. You cant tell her anything without him finding out. and suddenly you feel betrayed by your best friend and your closest sibling. It was fine at first, when we all hung out and played games. Then they got closer. The closer they get, the further away I get. The more they leave me out. I haaate them for that. I'd love to be home alone. Im home alone everyday, but only because they're togeather and soon they'll both be around me. I want to be alone with out them comming around. thats why I wanna move away from here.

I know this is going to sound bad, but I wish something bad would happen just so that I could have a real reason to feel so lousy. Sometimes my thoughts are the only things that keep my hopes up. Thats the most pathetic thing I have ever said, or thought, but in a way it's true. I just want to be happy again!!! Uggghhhhhh....

fireheadxoem @ 2005-11-26T21:05:00

2005-11-27T02:37:04Z

I has a survey to putin here, but I dont want to

I was just thinking that I should steal steven's Kanye West cd and hide it. It's all he ever listens to! He's so obssessed with him. If he wasnt dating Vanessa, I'd say hewas gay. Like Luke Perry. Im not sure who luke perry is, but Peter Griffen says he's gay.

I cant wait to give buddy he's christmas present!

For my birthday present, someone can buy me the Teddy Geiger cd. =) It comes out a bit too early though. I dont think I can wait 2 weeks. wait 27-14=13. close enough to two weeks.

I'm done rambling. I have a real story though. Okay. Here it is.

Yesterday, Melissa came over and spent the night (at 10:30 p.m.) and we took a bunch of quizzes. We watched a movie while we fell asleep. Apparently I slept like a rock because she says the dogs wouldnt stop barking. This morning Millie jumped on my facea and woke me up and then because I was sleeping on the couch I was stiff all over and so I went to shove Millie off and then I got a massive Charlie in my neck. Then I let her and Lizzie outside and they came in and of course they just had to jump on the couch and got it all wet and snowy. Then when I was just drifting off, Steven walks through the door and Lizzie, the cow that she is, jumps as hard as she possibly can onto my stomach. These dogs are gonna kill me one of these days. Later I woke up and Melissa was watching the Simpsons Christmas episodes so we watched that and it felt like Christmas because theres snow outside and we went to grandma and grampas house for thanksgiving. Anyway, before that, Melissa got up both a pop and we opened our cans at the same time. It was crazy! The cans popped at the same time! It amused me for like, ever. Im still amused by it. So yeah. When we were at Don n Stoshes, Mike and I ate pretty basically all the green olives, then the jerk that Mike is, used me as a napkin. Gross me out. After, Melissa, steve, vanessa and I went downstairs to watch Homevideos. It was so funny! Then we played Scene It and the team I was on won 2 out of 3. I answered ONE cout em, ONE question right. The question was, "What brand of bubble bath did he use?" The answer was, "Mr.Bubble" I used to use that. I loved it.

I supposed thats it except Heathers comming over sometime. =)

Harry Potter

2005-11-21T22:06:31Z

I went to the Harry Potter movie on friday. IT WAS AWESOME. I like Fred (George is cool too) I was planning on going earlier but Melissa called and said the next showing for the movie that was not sold out was 10. So I had her buy tickets for the 4 of us. (this was at 5) It's a good movie. Matt gave me a ride there but since he didn't sit with us, Melissa gave me a ride home. It was fun because we were talking about like 'back in the day' kind of thing. We scared Fred. But the movie was great. Daniel Radclif had his shirt off in one part...Yay! I know I haven't been on in a while sorry. But Harry Potter is just WOW!

I heart dan again

2005-09-27T21:12:13Z

I hate Spanish.
I failed the quiz today for the firt time.
Mr. Essex had no problem announcing that to the class.
Luckly I took it all in.
Essex has got to be the worst teacher I ever had.
He doesnt explain anything.
He expects us to know everything and
remember everythig we did over summer.
Its like, Hello! I forgot everything!HELP YOU JERKBAG!
but noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
gosh.

On a happier note, I got my glasses yesterday.
Exactly 5 more months till my birthday.
I love love love love looove Harry Potter.!
It's taken me almost 4 long moths to read 5 again,
but Im getting there.
If only there were more hours in the day.
oh, Id waste them anyways.
Like Hans. From the simpsons..
"you took 5 minutes from my life and I want them baco.
..oh Id only waste them anyway."
i love hans.

nevermind. :)

fireheadxoem @ 2005-09-25T14:42:00

2005-09-25T18:47:10Z

We keep warm, but theres just something wrong when you just feel like your the hardest little button to button.

fireheadxoem @ 2005-09-07T19:49:00

2005-09-07T23:50:59Z

Yo soy el fudger.

i hate

^that's about it.

fireheadxoem @ 2005-09-05T21:52:00

2005-09-06T01:54:54Z

That last entry is bulltizzle. I was running and stupid lizzy decided to run under my foot, so I twisted my ankle while I was trying to get out of the way and I fell and the dumb dog jumped on me, and gave me a rug burn.

Why isnt anything going my way this week?

Jebus!

SAVE ME, JEBUS!

fireheadxoem @ 2005-09-05T21:02:00

2005-09-06T01:04:34Z

Yup.

Millie's barking at me.

She's so cuuuuute.!! =) Her and Lizzy are the best little doggies ever.

THIS HAS BEEN THE GREATEST UPDATE EVER.

college freshman can burn.

2005-09-04T05:44:02Z

*insert scream here*

I dont find it the least bit amusing to find a paper towel taped to the door of your car with shaving cream in the door handle at 12:00 a.m. I hate these fucking immature college freshman. uuuggghhhh. Melissa and I spent nearly an hour getting it all out with toothpicks and a rag. My so called brother decided that he would let his excuse of a friend do that, and he wonders why I hate him. he has no common sense and I think that its creepy that he's "tight" with my friends. Or friend I should say. Steven has no common sense. He never goes away when you tell him to. No. Instead he'll keep right on talking when all you want is to be left alone. He can never take the hint that I want to be aloooone. Im always around someone. I hate being smothered. It's times like these when I'm glad to be against smoking and heavy drinking. Otherwise, I'd be dead. Do you know that I dont know how to cry anymore? I tried but all I did was produce some tears that had trouble falling and a little runny nose. Not having a room for over a month really destroyed me. I hate people now. Im always around them. Im sick of being called a whore. Im sick of being accused of having herpes. I dont. all you little fuckers out there can die. jebus. You all suck. It's impossible to be accused of either considering I hate being around people, and I hate being touched. mainly by those guys who DONT WASH THIER HANDS. Im sick of being accused of liking certain people. That pisses me off most. Steven is the dumbass who thinks I smoke and drink and go as far with a guy as possible when Im not home. Why would he think that? Seriousely. And if I hear one person say that hes just joking, Im going to kill you. I've never been more ANGERED in my fucking life.

Wonderful. I just yelled at my dog. I dont know whats wrong with me. My heart literally hurts. I feel like Im going out of my mind, and to top it all off, my lip is bleeding. Damn braces. I really hate when they stick to me. I hate the fact my best friend thinks I ditched her. I hate everyone right now.

I just hugged my doggy because I felt bad for yelling at her.

Over all I think I need my notebook. I miss writting my angered self out In story form. I really do. I can write some depressing crap.IHATEPAULWOOD.

I dont know what Im going to do with my life anymore. I mean, IM going to go to school for hair and then maybe get a job in that if I want. Then I said I would become a tacher. I dont know if i can do that or not.I mean, I can, but I dont know if I can locationwise. I think that moving to a place of my own in the chi-town will be alright because I'll always be alone but there will always be people around outside. That way I can balance everything out.

The freshman I'm forced to sit next to in computer apps. was hitting on me the other day. urg. He had really bad B.O. like woah. Nice kid though.

I dont feel right dating when I know theres someone out there for me. I know because I saw him. It was wierd. but never mind about that. Your too ignorant to understand. Your not educated in the area yet. Though there is one acception that I know no one knows. You know, according to palm reading, I have a short life-line, and all I want to do is find him. I dont know who he is, but I can feel someone there. It really drives you mad. I just got the chills. Freak me out. I wouldnt hate people if there was someone I could just talk to. You know? And I dont mean a friend. I mean... someone who can understand me.

This is really gross. I can reach out and feel coldness and sometimes it touches my arm, and I can most def. sense the old ghost/spirit.. whatever it is. No Im not crazy. I mean, Im sure theres no one out there reading this. I could even say I feel comforted by him. Cold, but comforted.

Lyrics I relate to:

"things keep comming and I keep wondering I start feeling the walls close in. things keep comming and I keep stumbling. I start feeling strong enough to break."
"sitting all alone in this place even though were here face to face. there is nothing gone but theres something wrong. can you see that Im stuck here underneath. and your making it hard to breath . take a look around and tell me what you see. you'll find me underneath."
"The end has no end"
"..says I hate people like you"

You know what I said about steve not knowing when to leave? yeah I just took like a ten minute break waiting for him to leave. I really dont understand what his problem is. He's buggiing the hell out of me right now.

Im sorry. I normally dont swear like this. Only on live journal.

*insert one last scream"

now i feel better.

Dont comment to say feel better. Thats pointless, because I'm compleatly fine and happpy. If your emotions are actually controlled by juices in your head, then mine are just off a bit.

Survey Time

2005-08-19T17:04:02Z

surveys are for egocentric's.

Name:	Emily
Birthdate:	February 27, 1990
Birthplace:	Saginaw
Current Location:	Auburn
Eye Color:	Hazel
Hair Color:	Red
Height:	5"5 i guess
Piercings:	Well, 3 on one ear and 2 on the other
Tatoos:	Naw. Eventually they'll sag. Gross me out.
Boyfriend/Girlfriend:	Nope.
Overused Phraze:	"Jerkbag!" or "Thats gay"
*FAVORITES*
Food:	oh jebus..
Candy:	I dont care for candy anymore
Number:	2227
Color:	depnds
Animal:	Pink elepants are phat
Drink:	dr.pepper
Alcohol Drink:	Anything frozen
Bagel:	plain
Letter:	s or z. Thier both great. Their only one line that squiggels
Body Part on Opposite sex:	eyes
*This or That*
Pepsi or Coke:	Dr.Pepper
McDonalds or BurgerKing:	Arbys
Strawberry or Watermelon:	Pineapple
Hot tea or Ice tea:	Ice
Chocolate or Vanilla	Depends
Hot Chocolate or Coffee:	Iced Coffiee for Timies
Kiss or Hug:	Hersey kiss. Whats a hug?
Dog or Cat:	Batman
Rap or Punk:	Punk
Summer or Winter:	The both have thier moments, but I'll say winter
Scary Movies or Funny Movies:	A combonation of both
Love or Money:	Love with money
*YOUR...*
Bedtime:	when ever
Most Missed Memory:	Pictured rocks gift shop entrance/exit
Best phyiscal feature:	hair or hands
First Thought Waking Up:	What time is it?
Goal for this year:	..goal?
:	I know, right??
Weakness:	My brain
Fears:	Getting hurt
Heritage:	Irish, Scottish, English, Polish, Indian, German, Canadian, Jewish..um.. I think thats it..
Longest relationship:	17 days. I wouldnt call it that either..
*HAVE YOU...*
Ever Drank:	Well duh. I think everyone does specially on new years.
Ever Smoked:	In my dreams for some reason
Pot:	in last nights dream. It was gross.
Ever been Drunk:	I dont think so, but Willie seems to think so..
Ever been beaten up:	I suppose
Ever beaten someone up:	hehe..
Ever Shoplifted:	No
Ever Skinny Dipped:	No
Ever Kissed someone of same sex:	Well, everyones kisses thier mother
Been Dumped Lately:	I've never been dumped =)
*IN A GUY/GIRL*
Favorite Eye Color:	Piercing blue
Favorite Hair Color:	Dark brown or black
Short or Long:	Shaggy/long
Height:	my size
Style:	Something that reflects his personality in a good way
Looks or Personality:	Personality
Hot or Cute	Adorable
Drugs and Alcohol:	Neither
Muscular or Really Skinny:	I hate muscualar but I dont like really skinny either
*RANDOMS*
Number of Regrets in the Past:	2 I think
What country do you want to Visit:	The whole U.K. and Italy
How do you want to Die:	Unexpected
Been to the Mall Lately:	No
Do you like Thunderstorms:	Yes
Get along with your Parents:	For the most part
Health Freak:	I can be
Do you think your Attractive:	No
Believe in Yourself:	Usually
Want to go to College:	Who wants another 4 years of school? But Im going to anyway
Do you Smoke:	No
Do you Drink:	Ocasionally
Shower Daily:	Every other is better than every
Been in Love:	Yes. And not with the guy I "Went out" with
Do you Sing:	Yes, but not good
Want to get Married:	He'll ruin my plans.. but yes
Do you want Children:	Someday
Have your future kids names planned out:	Anna or Andrew
:'	Stick it to the man
Hate anyone:	Pretty basically everyone who attends Western high
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Reply with your name and I'll answer these questions: 01. What I like about you 02. What I dislike about you 03. An inside joke only we find funny 04. The next day we'll hang out 05. What we'll do when we hang out

my classes

2005-08-18T15:01:16Z

this is my update.

1. Algebra 1 Schomaker
2. EnrEnglish Fritzler
3. Ap Am History Hutchins
4. Spanish 2 Essex (I might learn something this year)
5. Comp App. Smith
6. Biology Sagady
Connections Sullivan
Seminar/ Lunch Keenan B

I know I have classes with Jesse, Vanessa, Taylor.. and I think theres someone else that i dont remember. I think my mom wants me to change my lunch because shes going to have dinner ready after school this year, which is gay, and if I have B lunch, I wont be hungry. So theres that.
I cant wait to for school to start!!! Im excited because I know someone in pretty basically all my classes. =)

I knew this would happen

2005-08-16T19:36:07Z

Okay well. As far as friends go, I hate them. Not anyone in particular, just the whole concept. Right now I have one friend and she not even a friend. Shes more of a sister because she hangs with my family. But in the past I've been friends with Kaysie, Kayla, Taylor, Kristi, and other people I just drifted away from. Either they moved, or they told me I changed and that was it. Kayla and Kristi are the only ones who make an effort to see eachother.
I was asked an interesting question the other day; "what do you fear". Well I didnt know what to say because I really didnt know. Well, I know now. I fear making friends then losing them because of something I did not knowing I was doing anything. I fear talking to people because of what it could evolve into. I grew up with a lack of friends till heather came along. I've never had more fun in my life. She was the best friend ever. Now I'm pretty sure she hates me. Now I really hate people.
If theres anything I dont understand its people.

Okay well I have nothing else to type.

human athourity figures....meeeeeh!!!

2005-08-15T01:04:37Z

I went to munising with everyone and I slept in the closet. The waves in marquet were absolutly amazing. It was like swimming in the ocen, only, you know.. with out the salt. =) We spent much of the time playing games. Manily dr.mario. It was really fun. Oh and on the last day there, I saw someone I knew! Well, kinda.. nevermind. lol we saw a lot of waterfalls. Um.... we saw some bears.... what else did we do...?......uuhhhhh oooooooooh the finfair thing. It was gay. Stephi and I counted 3 black guys.... and yeah. I think I'll keep the rest to myself because I cant think of anything right now.

Comment!

take it slow but dont warn me

2005-08-08T04:00:22Z

2 days ago vanessa and I went to the place to get her another permit bacause she lost it and then we went to the mall. When we were waiting to get picked up I relized that I had lost my permit. Now I cant drive till I get another one, damnit. o-well. anyways, they took me home to get my stuff and then we went to mikeys for a bit. I was playing with his little brother with the star wars swords.. actually he had the sword thingy and I had a bat. And then Vanessa and I saved a little field mouse from the cat. It was so cute! =) Then we went back to her neighbors house and went swimming. I wouldnt call it swimming though... then we went back to her place and played poker while watching the rocky horror picture show. =) I love that movie! Then we watched the seed of chuckie, then family guy.. then we were all talking for a while and then decided to take a walk around the court very late at night. When we came back, we talked till 5:30 and then a while after we all fell asleep. It took me a long time to fall asleep. When I did I woke up like, every hour... it was horrible. Then of course I was the last to wake up and we went out to some burger place, then her sisters house where we picked up Ella, and then to a park. Childhood memories are so depressing these days.. Anywho, we went back to her house and went swimming, but for some reason I didnt do anything in the pool, but basically stand there. .. which is kind of wierd. Then we came back and played poker and steph came and piocked me up and I got a Mcflurry and then we watched Friday Night Lights. I missed the whole ending. I fell asleep during an important part. How gay is that? I woke up once the credits came up. Then I was on the computer for a few hours... till about 3:30. then I went to bed which took about 2 hours to fall asleep.

I woke up this morning 3 times. i wouldnt wake up until i was determined to clean the house. so I awoke at 12:54. Then I painted all 20 of my nails and clipped the bush. Then mike came over and we had a griffy tournement and I lost all 8 times. Then Amber came over and we went to the back room and watched Dicki Roberts. Then the wachted Sea Biscut as I cleaned the house. I did everything but wash the walls. It smells good in here for once. I never relised how much the dogs stink this place up. Then mike and amber went home and steph and I watched mystic river for like.. the 3rd time this week. And now he's playing soccor and Im here updating.

I was thinking that 12:54 is really close to 12:51. sweeeeeet. 12:51 is the song I was just listening to.

heres something new

2005-08-02T03:39:25Z

I dont have anything I want to post but I've been working on my latest thing. I thought I'd post part of it. I really dont share these things much, but I was rather fond of this one.

Been living here since age one
Mommy doesnt understand me
Daddy doesnt care about me
This house doesnt feel like a home

Been problems since I started walking
Problems since I started talking
Been no real friends I could relate to
No place I could ever run to
Never gonna get my way
Never gonna see the day
Never gonna care about
Anything you spoke about

Now friends they come and talk to me
'you are not yourself lately'
'Im sorry but it's just the way
Problems like to stand in my way'

yeah thats part of it. Theres kind of a lot there Im not sure if I like or not..

the song of the day for me is "Reptilia"

He seemed impressed by the way you came in.
"Tell us a story
I know you're not boring"

I was afraid that you would not insist.
"You sound so sleepy
just take this, now leave me"

I said please don't slow me down
If I'm going too fast
You're in a strange part of our town...

Yeah, the night's not over
You're not trying hard enough,
Our lives are changing lanes
You ran me off the road,
The wait is over
I'm now taking over,
You're no longer laughing
I'm not drowning fast enough.

Now every time that I look at myself
"I thought I told you
this world is not for you"

The room is on fire as she's fixing her hair
"you sound so angry
just calm down, you found me"

I said please don't slow me down
If I'm going too fast
You're in a strange part of our town...

Yeah, the night's not over
You're not trying hard enough,
Our lives are changing lanes
You ran me off the road,
The wait is over
I'm now taking over,
You're no longer laughing
I'm not drowning fast enough.

yeah. Im so bored that I updated for val...

"pretend to be nice but I can be mean"

2005-07-31T05:34:34Z

Im so sick of reading everyones live journal just to hear phony people kiss ass to everyone they talk to. Seriously. Im sorry if I offend anyone {if anyone even reads this damn thing}. But nobody posts comments sounding like themselves. Whats the point of going online to find frinds that are almost 100 percent fake? What the fuck kind of merry world are they living in? "Hey, your so beutiful! We need to hang out!! Call me!! Your too cute!!" Its a waste of life. Everyone sits and stares at things for hours at a time. Im not saying I dont do it too, but thats something I just now relized. No wonder everyones so fat. Especially the youth. These fucking parents give their kids food and have them watch tv all day. What ever happened to going outside to play baseball or street hockey? Everyone sucks. See, this is why I never update.

This is me being me right now. If you think Im not myself at all, your very wrong about me. I think all this shit only I keep it bottled in because I dont want to create any rows with anyone because that too is pointless. Why focus on negitive energy? Like Jason Clements. He's a waste of energy. JayNeg1 will have something to say about that...

I dont know whats wrong with me. I feel compleatly numb to everything. I went to the killers and I dont even care. I realy dont care about anything. I dont really feel emotions anymore. I just carry on. Being bored is my main priority these days. Theres nothing to do. Maybe if I do something realy exhilerating maybe I could be myself again. But who is myself? I really dont know. Maybe thats why I was/am really annoying. I dont know.

I dont think I can ever be in a relationship because I really dont care for guys. I swear I'll never ever find anyone I wont find exceedingly arrogant or ignorant. I push everyone that likes me away. I think I attract creeps. Thats my problem. I cant get anyone normal! urgh! And Im sick of being teased because of who I went out with. I didnt go out with him. We went to homecomming and then never talked after that. Woo. come on now. Get over that. Oh and my first kiss was really fucked up. Anyone there knows what Im talking about. He's a real jerkbag these days. Whats his problem anyway? I give up. Im going to focus my energy on getting myself prepaired for school and work and all that jazz. Im really looking forword to being on my own. I hate the fact my own mom cant trust me because Im going to get pregnant? WHAT THE FUCK?!?! yeah, becuase I'm just so immature and I have guys lined up for me. Dont be gay. jebus. She really drives me crazy. Im not the one who hangs around smokers and crack heads.

And now my fears
They come to me in threes
So, I
Sometimes
Say, "Fate my friend,
You say the strangest things
I find, sometimes"

That pretty much is what I feel right now.

I missed the last bus, I'll take the next train
I try but you see, it's hard to explain
I say the right things, but act the wrong way
I like it right here, but I cannot stay
I watch the TV; forget what I'm told
Well, I am too young, and they are too old
The joke is on you, this place is a zoo
"You're right it's true"
.. and thats what I relate too

I just want to turn you down
I just want to turn you around
Oh, you ain't never had nothin' I wanted, but...
I want it all
I just can't figure out...
Nothing

Reminds me of guys..
Oh, I didn't take no shortcuts
I spent the money that I saved up
Oh, Momma running out of luck
Like my sister, don't give a fuck

I wanna steal your innocence
To me my life, it just don't make any sense
Those strange manners, I loved 'em so
"Why won't you wear your new trench coat?"

I just want to misbehave
I just want to be your slave

and thats in the back of my mind.

so yeah. Im pretty basically bored. and I really dont want to go to my dads. Theres nothing to do there. but I guess I have to go this time. Booo.

Heres just a short list of everything that bores me lately:
shopping
sitting around
tv
computer
painting
board games
sewing
sleeping

Heres what I've been getting by on:
tv
sitting around
painting
computer
board games
sewing
sleeping
spacing out
writting
reading
countless sit-ups

Notice the simialarities? Gross me out.

What are you up too? Can you relate to anything in this long post?

I changed my password.

2005-07-01T22:52:21Z

yes. I had to let everyone know.

Tomorrow is Linda's birthday and were gonna throw her a party even though she doesnt know it yet.
Drivers Training is now over eventhough I have to drive again tomorrow. I had a gathering with Vanessa (jayneg1), Kayla, and Kristi (Jayneg2) and Steph (kayla's lover). It was pretty sweet. Jayneg1 started pegging kayla with cherry pits. =) And whole cherries. It was a waste of cherries if you ask me.. jk. Seeing Kayla pegged with cherries was priceless.

I guess Im slow at updating

We played hot patato with a green tea can and the wierd neighbor guy came out and started looking at us. Hes wierd. So told everyone to be quiet and that they were being too loud and I told them to move in the grass, but really I just did that because that guy creeps me out and I didnt want him watching us.

OMG IM IN MY JAM JAMS.!! (Stephs friend is over so its not random)

Later they went home all except Jayneg1. She was in Linda's room and woke up every 2 hours. But before that there was a spider in the room and we told Steph to kill it but then Lizzy came in and ate it after Jayneg1 scwished it... Steph just kinda watched...

I have to go look for a white board with Jayneg1 now..

oh yeah, kayla drank four Smirnoff Ice's and trashed stephs room. =) We love you kayla. He says were playing around in there and that is good that its a good thing that Jayneg1 is into self-mutalation, but not really.
She says, "dont mislead your public." and I say, what public????

oh. she's my publicist.. she doesnt know how to spell.. but she was actually right this time. Good job.

Bye now
P.S. I cant spell for crap. =)

fireheadxoem @ 2005-06-22T23:26:00

2005-06-23T03:35:06Z

This is my update.

I decided to just skip the Chicago entry because no one really cares about that anyway and thats a crap load to type. Instead, I decided to make my entry on Jakes hair. Its pretty freaking sweet. =)

And heathers birthday party was sweeeet.!

I dont really know what else to update about exept that Im a stupid sophmore now.

oh yeah. Drivers Training is super gay =D.

fireheadxoem @ 2005-04-17T22:16:00

2005-04-18T03:21:53Z

This whole update is about my thoughts and a survey, so dont say Im full of myeslf lmao.

I think im too upfront about some things. I suppose that could be a problem. Is it so wrong to give your opinion?

WTF is wrong with people these days? Im mean, I love people, but some of them are just rude and some just desrtoy the old ways that I think we were ment to keep. Yeah, your lost. But I dont think we as humans were supposed to be this advanced and that truly is depressing. =(

This is a post of what Im pondering so you dont have to comment even though I really dont have friends besides heather who comment.

Name: Emily
Birthday: 27 February 1990
Birthplace: saginaw
Current Location: Auburn
Eye Color: Hazle-- green, blue, brown--
Hair Color: reddish, used to be strawberry blonde darn it
Height: 5'3
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right
Your Heritage: Scottish, Irish, Polish, German, Canadian, English, Indian, American lol.
The Shoes You Wore Today: brown Flip flops. I hate that word.
Your Weakness: I lack confidence
Your srength:I think I have extream empathy skills. Can you just put yourself into someone elses body and feel what they feel and see what they see and everything? I can easily. Maybe its a spiritual thing. Or maybe I just understand the world and people better than others. That sounds bad, but whatever.
Your Fears: never filling that empty space in my heart...
Your Perfect Pizza: normal?
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Im still planning tomorrow
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: lol

Thoughts First Waking Up: =( I wish that would have been real, instead of a dream =/
Your Best Physical Feature: my herr
Your Bedtime: 11:30 ish
Your Most Missed Memory: Some that arnt even real
Pepsi or Coke: Dr.Pepper
MacDonalds or Burger King: McDoodels
Single or Group Dates: Single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: lipton
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: Cappuccino

Do you Smoke: no
Do you Swear: Hell no
Do you Sing: if thats what you wanna call it, lol
Do you Shower Daily: its a little hard without a shower these days >:o
Have you Been in Love: yes =(

Do you want to go to College: yes
Do you want to get Married: yes
Do you belive in yourself: yeah
Do you get Motion Sickness: usually
Do you think you are Attractive: no not really
Are you a Health Freak: not really
Do you get along with your Parents: I think so
Do you like Thunderstorms: YES
Do you play an Instrument: yeah

In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: no
In the past month have you Smoked: no
In the past month have you been on Drugs: no
In the past month have you gone on a Date: naw
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: yes
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: no
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: no
In the past month have you been on Stage: I dont think so
In the past month have you been Dumped: no
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: no, never
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: I dont think so

Ever been Drunk: no
Ever been called a Tease: I dont know anyone gay enough to say that
Ever been Beaten up: by my brothers I guess
Ever Shoplifted: nope
How do you want to Die: happy
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: I wanna be the same person I am now.
What country would you most like to Visit: England, Ireland, Scotland. well, Europe in general i guess.

In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: blue, or green, or *sigh* brown =( I dont really care
Favourite Hair Color: dark
Short or Long Hair: neither. I like shaggy. =p
Height: taller than me.
Weight: who cares
Best Clothing Style: whatever

Number of Drugs I have taken: if you mean illegally, 0
Number of CDs I own: a couple 10's
Number of Piercings: 5
Number of Tattoos: none
Number of things in my Past I Regret: none because then we would never learn.

yeah.

Sometimes I want to escape from myself. I tought myself to forget things and to forgive things easily because its pretty pointless not to. Its not worth losing a friend over. I feel bigger things comming and I have for quite sometime now and, I feel love for someone who isnt there. yes, i know I was in love and I really dont know why. I mean, I still am. Its hard to just forget that wonderful feeling that makes everything feel so small. I guess falling out of love is hard because of that fear of never feeling anything so real ever again. Overall, I guess I've felt things and Ive been through things that some people take years to experience, and thats not good. It makes life so boring in a way. meh.

Illusion never turned into something real.- fav. quote

I'm feeling depressed these days. =/

Everybody is gay.

2005-04-17T23:18:29Z

yeah, your all gay . I posted my last entry hoping to get some haters up in herr but nooooooooooo. Nobody frikken knows me.

Any who, friday I went home with vee and on the way home kelly clarkson came on with Since Youve been Gone, and val was singing it and then Rick (Tom) starting singing it too. It was funny. we got to her house and went to the mall for a while and then we went to see fever pitch and omg. I love that movie so much. I decided that val and I are going to be red sox fans. lol

Next day, I went to the mall with heather and there we met up with Bre, Evan, and Jake. It was pretty fun actually. and then I spent the night at heathers and we went in the woods and we were in the trampoline while we listened to some spiffy 90's music. 8) it was great fun brcause today we went and did the same thing only we stayed out in the woods and had a little snackizzle.

Later we went to dutch village and mussle beach and well, the numbers on my phone were going crazy. 7's 9's and 6's were going off for no reason at frikken all. It was super gay. omg. now the 9 on my phone will not work at all. grr. well I guess I'll just have to get a better more awesome phone. =( darn. lol Then steph picked us up late.

what a weekend.

fireheadxoem @ 2005-04-17T13:43:00

2005-04-17T17:44:37Z

HEY EVERYONE..
I LOVE MYSELF !! :D
IM BETTER THAN EVERYBODY!!

just felt like telling you all. 8)

wow

2005-04-04T02:01:10Z

Im updateing for the first time in a really long time. lol I sent a letter to my homeboy Dan Radcliffe. :) It was cool. heather sent one to her homeboy as well. uuuuummm. Mine cost 80 cents. Ummmmmm we watched Peter Pan 3 times in two days. :) Its always good times at heathers hizzouse.

Yesterday I went to kaylas house and I guess I helped them move to thier new hizzouse. That is one mother hizzouse. Its old and huge. wow. thats gonna be fun living there. I was talking to someone on her list and I didnt know him and he was bugging me so I told him that my name was Anna. lmao that was funny.

I have a lotta things to do today as I do any other day. this spring break has been crazy. There wasnt one day that I wasnt busy. And I still have to iron, finnish Val n mine's project, do the index card things, and write a book report.

I decided that when i grow up, Im gonna own an empty mansion with a pool, some fountains, and maybe a waterfall. I dont know about that one yet, and Im gonna have a golf cart to drive around the house with.

I still have plans for the week too. Monday -tomorrow- I have to write the book report and do the index cards if I didnt do that today or not. Teusday I have to go to a softball game with Val. I guess I owe it to her for not joining with her :p. And I have to borrow the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I think I forgot something. I dont know.

This might be the last update for a while. What am I saying might? lol

peace, love, and bullet proof marshmellows.